Time for a Sacred Pause

America needs more than cookouts on Memorial Day—we need a collective reckoning with where we’re at.

For most Americans, Memorial Day is synonymous with sunshine, barbecues, and the start of summer. Stores hold sales, pools reopen, and we ease into vacation mode. But the deeper meaning of Memorial Day is far less comfortable. It demands something more from all of us than just another three-day weekend. It demands that we look directly at the human price we pay for our way of life.

We’ve become a nation adrift, disconnected from service, and ultimately, from one another.

Since the founding of our nation, over one million service members have died - each one of these was a living testimony of doing something bigger than themselves - laying their lives on the line for their brothers and sisters, and for our nation.

Having worn the uniform in combat myself, I understand the meaning of the holiday. I served in the company of heroes. In 2004, I deployed to Baghdad with the 82nd Airborne. Nineteen of my fellow paratroopers didn’t make it home. They are not names on a wall to me. They are faces I can’t forget. They gave the ultimate sacrifice, these aren't abstract figures—they’re real faces of friends and patriots we’ve lost. Faces I think about not just on Memorial Day—they sometimes haunt me in my darkest moments when survivor’s guilt creeps in. I’m often reminded of the weight of their absence and of our responsibility to live up to their sacrifice.

There’s a scene at the end of Saving Private Ryan that still wrecks me no matter how many times I watch it. Matt Damon’s character, as an old man, returns to Normandy with his wife, children, and grandchildren. He stands at the grave of Captain John Miller, the officer who died saving him, and begins to break down. In a moving monologue, he says,“I tried to live my life the best I could and hope I earned all of what you’ve done for me.” Choked up, he then turns to his wife and pleads, “Tell me I’ve led a good life. Tell me I’m a good man.”

That moment captures exactly what Memorial Day should feel like. An absolute gut punch for the people who served and sacrificed their lives for our freedom.

President John F. Kennedy—himself a decorated World War II Navy veteran—issued a Memorial Day proclamation in 1961 that still deserves our attention:

“Now, Therefore, I, John F. Kennedy, President of the United States, do hereby urge the people of the United States to observe Tuesday, May 30, 1961, Memorial Day, by invoking the blessing of God on those who have died in defense of our country, and by praying for a new world of law where peace and justice shall prevail and a life of opportunity shall be assured for all… I also urge the press, radio, television, and all other media of information to cooperate in this observance.” - President John F. Kennedy

President Kennedy laying a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, 1963. via Flickr Images

Compare that level of reverence with how many television or radio stations paused yesterday at 11 am. What do you say to your sons and daughters, or nieces and nephews, who express a desire to serve? Too often, we treat military service as something for "other people's kids." When 78% of troops come from military families, we’re basically only asking a “warrior class” in America to answer the call to serve.

The Greek historian Thucydides once warned, “The nation that makes a great distinction between its scholars and its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting done by fools.”

America at her best is a blend of Athens and Sparta—a nation of reluctant warriors, courageous thinkers, and engaged citizens. A nation that strives to be better in our classrooms, communities and across the country.

If we truly honor those who've fallen, we must also support the families they left behind. According to the Military Times, since 9/11, more than 7,000 American service members have been killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, the longest wars in American history. We must also honor those who return home carrying invisible wounds of war. Veterans face higher rates of PTSD, depression, and suicide compared to the civilian population. Since 2001, more than 120,000 veterans have died by suicide, making it the second leading cause of death among post-9/11 veterans. Today, veterans face a suicide rate that is 57% higher than the national average.. This crisis means that on average, we lose 17 veterans every single day to suicide.

Via wefacethefight.org

This is a national emergency.

You can help make a difference by joining www.wefacethefight.org to combat veteran suicide. I proudly serve as their National Honorary Chairman.

The grief of war is generational. It reaches back to Normandy, to Vietnam, to Korea.

In a time of conspiracy theories, division, and outrage, honoring our fallen means more than remembrance. It means living lives worthy of their sacrifice. Living lives rooted in truth, unity, and the kind of compassion that builds a better country.

Memorial Day asks us to uphold the freedoms we often take for granted, and to ensure that our veterans’ deaths were not in vain. That we “earn it” every single day. It's a day that should cause us to pause, reflect, and recommit ourselves to building a country worthy of their sacrifice.

So, this summer, while you’re enjoying your days off with friends and family, take a moment to honor the memories of our fallen and all they stood for. Ask yourself whether you are part of the solution in making our nation a “more perfect union.” Are you living a life worthy of the freedom you enjoy?

—Patrick J. Murphy

The Honorable Patrick J. Murphy is a Wharton lecturer, Vetrepreneur, and the 32nd Army Under Secretary after earning the Bronze Star for service in Baghdad, Iraq as an All-American with the 82nd Airborne Division—@PatrickMurphyPA on Instagram and Twitter.